Your relationship can be a very special thing. No matter how cantankerous or contrary we, deep down we all want someone to share our lives with, someone that we can enjoy life with and hopefully grow old with. Given that relationships rarely run smoothly there can be a long and rocky road before you find yourself at the altar. As all too many people know getting married does not mean that you live happily ever after. In order for them to succeed relationships need work and commitment from both partners.
I don’t know where you met or where you will meet, but at some point you will find that special person who you believe is the one. Now just because you think that they are the one it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are, it could be that once you get to know them you will be heading for the hills, or it could be that they are the one. But before the wedding bells start to ring you have to build your relationship, you have to come to know and understand your partner, and you have to believe that they are someone that you can spend the rest of your lives with.
When you first start to grow and nurture your relationship you talk with your partner. Yes I know that it seems a bit of an obvious thing to say but you can’t learn about them unless you talk, and if you are not talking to each other then there is no point in being together. As I said all pretty obvious stuff, unfortunately once you have got to know each other, once you have become used to each other then the talking starts to die away. Probably the biggest cause for the breakup of relationships and marriages is a breakdown in communication. It’s your talking to each other that builds your bond, it’s what draws you closer together, it’s what holds you close. Unfortunately communication is very fragile bond and once your talking starts to fade so does the bond that holds you together, and if you do nothing to stop the rot then at some point you will end up as total strangers.
There’s another part of communication that can often be overlooked, and that’s the ability to listen. No matter what the subject, if either of you are talking the other one should listen, because I’m pretty certain that you would expect the same consideration from your partner. If you listen then you show your partner that you are not only interested in what they have to say, but you also reinforce the fact that you are interested in them. It can be incredibly difficult to listen at times because your mind could be drifting or trying to think how you are going to respond. And whilst you are thinking what to say your body language will quite clearly show that no one is at home, and that you might not be interested in what is important to your partner. No matter how uninterested you are in what they are saying, please don’t forget that they could say something that is important for you to know, so be alert!
If you are serious about your relationship working then it is vital that you find the time to speak to each other! I know that if you are leading busy lives then that’s not always easy, but you have to make the effort! No matter how busy you are, if you eat your evening meal at a table and out of site of the T.V then you have a chance to talk and catch up with each other. You both have to know each others wants and needs, you have to know their hopes and their dreams, and most important of all you have to know if something is troubling them.
Regardless of who you are, how long you have been together and what you bring to your relationship, you are both equal partners. For your relationship to work you both have to be equal, you have to make your decisions together, and there will be times that you both have to be prepared to compromise. There is no room for two individuals a relationship, you have to work together to create the best possible relationship that you can. No matter how long you have been together, no matter how many years you have been married you will always have to work to make your relationship a healthy and a happy one.
One thing puzzles me. When people talk about relationships, and I’ve been guilty of this as well, they talk about having to work at the relationship. I suppose that the word work will have to suffice because I can’t think of a better one, but let me ask you this, is exerting a bit of effort to ensure that your relationship runs smoothly and that the person that you love most is happy, is that really work? I don’t think that it’s work, do you?
You are going to have to face both good times and bad. The good times are easy enough to deal with, but it’s the bad ones that will really put your relationship to the test. It’s at times like this that your ability to pull together and to work as a team will help you to work things through, it won’t make what you’re facing any easier, but you will be stronger knowing that you are walking forward with someone at your side.
It’s a fact of life that at some point you will argue. Arguments can either drive you apart or they can pull you together. An argument is the sign that there are issues in your relationship that need to be dealt with. You have two choices. You can shout and scream at each other, nothing gets resolved, if anything the situation gets worse, and your relationship becomes a miserable thing until you get it sorted. One the other hand you can recognize that you have problems and you can sit down and work them out together. Working through your issues might not exactly be a fun experience but you will work together for the good of your relationship, and you will come up with a solution that is good for your relationship.
When it comes to arguments you need to remember that individual pride is worthless and it has no place in a healthy relationship, you have to work together to find a resolution that works, and if that means that you have to eat humble pie then so be it. Don’t try to find excuses when you do something wrong, you should have left that kind of behaviour way back in childhood. Whatever you do you do because you want to do it, and you do it from your own free will, so if you do something wrong then own up to it, accept responsibility for your own personal actions and then find a way to move forward.
I don’t care how old you get you are never to old to date. It is vital that you find a way to spend some quality time with each other every single week, if you don’t then your relationship might not survive. Just as it is impossible to connect with each other through talking it’s also vital to spend time together, to relax in each others company, to have fun together. If you can’t spend quality time together then why are you together? I know that it can be difficult if you have kids or if you have busy schedules, but make the time. Don’t forget that you two are the most important people in your relationship! Various people will pass through your lives, you might have kids who will at some point move away. At the end of the day it will just be the two of you, and you need to enjoy your time together and to take pleasure in being in each others company. You don’t have to do anything fancy, it could be a quiet night in, a walk through a park, or you might just go out for a coffee, the important thing is that you are doing it together because you want to be together.
If you find the right person then your relationship can be a truly wonderful thing. But no matter how star crossed your relationship is it won’t work unless you both commit to making it the best possible relationship. Don’t forget to talk, to work together and to enjoy your lives together. It might not always be easy but you will have someone special that you can walk into the future with and that’s priceless.